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Let go.

March 11, 2011

Sometimes I get to feeling slightly less than my confident self.  One of my character defects is that I gravitate to the notion that I am never good enough, that I can’t quite measure up to others’ perception of me.  And when I get to thinking this way, the smallest thing can get me feeling really insecure about myself.  It can be anything really: a bad run, a biting remark, someone’s disapproval.  I wrap myself around this negativity and just can’t let go of it.  A friend said to me recently, “It’s like you’re carrying around a bag of shit in your pocket and every now and then you take it out and smell it.  You have to get rid of that shit, you have to let it go!”  While not the most eloquent illustration, it does accurately define what I do at times with feelings of unworthiness or insecurity.

Raging River

“Negativity is an invisible parasite. It needs a host to feed off, and the host is the ego.” Deepak Chopra

I’ve come to realize that these feelings almost always stem from my fragile ego.  But I am learning that my ego and my essence are not one in the same.  They are separate entities that I can either nurture or neglect.  At my core I am a deeply-connected and loving being, capable of immeasurable power and potential.  Nurturing my ego stifles the growth of my essence, it keeps me from realizing my pure potential.  In contrast, if I cultivate my true essence by engaging in selfless acts of loving-kindness, my ego is subverted and I move closer to the Spirit of the Universe that lies within and connects all living things.

I want to suppress my self-centered ego and foster my loving nature; I want to let go, but I don’t always know how.

I’m all about action, so if I need to do steps 1-2-3 to clear my head of this nonsense, then I’ll do them.  Funny thing though, when I ask people about what action I can take to let go of this negative stuff, I get a lot of shoulder shrugs, but I really want to get to the root of letting go.  I want an answer to the simple question “How do I let go?”

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” Herman Hesse

I had a dream the other night.  I was standing chest-deep in the middle of a powerful river.  I was facing up river, the current was pushing against me incessantly, but I was determined to stand my ground.  I held my arms out in front of me, using my hands in an attempt to stop the fast-moving water.  I leaned harder into the deluge, I stretched out my arms, but my struggle was futile.  Where is all this water coming from?  I stood there for a while, helpless, finally choosing to give up.  I relaxed my body, I let the water flow freely around me, (which is what it was doing anyway!)  I turned around, I could now see that all this water was going somewhere, and it no longer mattered where it had come from.  I wondered where this powerful river leads?  Where can it take me?  I wanted to know.  I picked up my feet and began floating along swiftly with the current.  Suddenly I felt at peace, tranquil, and free.

This vision was quite compelling.  I could actually feel myself letting go, and it felt amazing.  I try to summon this vision when I’m faced with situations that are out of my control.  I have to remember that it is contrary to my nature to struggle against everything and everyone around me. I have to keep in mind that this moment is as it should be, because the whole universe is as it should be.  I have to practice acceptance.  I have to relax my body, turn around, pick up my feet, and let the current take me where it will.  And when I do this, when I can simply let go, I am suddenly aware of just how beautiful and amazing everything is right here and right now.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. March 11, 2011 8:49 am

    This post is inspiring for my moment in this moment. My week has been fuzzy and filled with old habits which lead to more dead end paths. I’m struggling to end the week on a high note.

    Thank you for sharing.

  2. April 4, 2011 12:32 pm

    Great post. Letting go is not even in my sphere. Where does it go when you let go? All my shit is such a big part of me IT IS ME. A daily struggle for me. Some say I read to much into my flaws and too am hard on myself. I do not really know who else to be or who I want to be. My improvements have in the past always been short lived probably because I don’t let go..very confusing for me. Keep the faith!

  3. April 16, 2011 7:43 am

    Hi Patrick…Nice to meet you. Your blog is wonderful. Funny how we struggle and cling so much when all we really have to do is let go. The letting go is scary but once you simply release….freedom and bliss are right there. I think all of the struggling and clinging we experience is happening for a reason…and that is to get us to the point where we are capable of learning to let go. So it’s a matter of remembering that everything is unfolding just as it should in perfect harmony with nature. Peace! ~ Lauren

  4. June 29, 2011 1:34 pm

    Funny how I ended up here again unknowingly. Must be a sign…
    If I let go my world will crash fast…

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  1. “Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go” « Recently Separated…What is next?

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